Woke up late to what
Mini panther, big stretch, mow
So I stay in bed
Pen to paper, scratch
Blank space filled with touch
Thoughts translated here
I think of love
My heart, my soul, my presence
Todo la vida
Mama I see you
And I see me in you too
How wonderful we
Red dress. This red dress was bought in a celebration of me. Skintight muted red, sleeves, reaches to chest and down to mid thigh. My how I love this dress. Cut out in the sternum area beneath a black outline tattoo of an aloe vera shows. A tattoo I got because I love this plant, I grew up with this plant. This was the super plant for all my wounds. My mom yelling, “Get the aloe!”. Every cut, burn, dry skin or hair, she was always there. This was my favorite plant and it’s my mothers too. The red dress that shows an intimate side of me that is usually tucked away. On that day, the celebration of me, the day I came into this world. Celebrating all sides of me.
Red lipstick. This lipstick is red with a brown undertone. It’s name “Woody Sunset”. Finally a red lipstick that was meant for me. I always wanted one that I could rock. Bright red, always off, felt unnatural on my face. Berry red, better but still the chemistry wasn’t there. Doomed to a life of thinking I was someone who can never wear the color that my heart desired. Then one day I ordered it on whim, just to try because why not? The worst thing that can happen is it’s another shade that won’t work on me. But the opposite happened. It was THE lipstick for me. Every concert, every celebration, every win, every needed boost in confidence, it’s part of that journey. It’s part of the happiest moments of my life. Woody sunset, thank you for coming into my life.
Red acrylic paint. I got this in an ArtSnacks mystery box. This was a high quality paint that was developed to slowly dry. I wasn’t sure why there was need for acrylic paint that took forever to dry. The more I used it the more I understood it. The color it makes so pigmented and bright. A paint that had textured feeling to it as if couldn’t be contained by the flat canvas itself. The paint that would be ready for me even I needed to a break even until the next day. Saying there’s no rush, I won’t be dry by then. We can come back to this whenever you’re ready. The paint had taught me some things in life simply can’t be rushed, especially beautiful things. They take time, understanding, from the paint to yourself. I am a beautiful thing that can’t be rushed.
I’m writing this in the hopes I see you again. God I feel so weird making this post on Craigslist. But it’s the way you haven’t been able to vacate my mind, and now it’s driving me crazy. Now I’m at the point of desperate fool. I guess this is a way we all feel. Hoping for a chance. A silver of hope.
This can very well be completely one-sided. Maybe I haven’t cross your mind since then. But once again that silver of hope is there. Pulling and tugging, with a desperate plea, to please try. Because there was something there wasn’t it? With the way you looked at me? The way we dance all night?
Maybe I should start from the beginning, that would make the most sense. It was salsa night in one of the bars? Club? Ugh, I wish I was sober enough to remember where. But a typical night of going out with my friends in Denver. We were at one bar and then decided to leave. That’s when the journey started. We heard the music calling us. The drums and tempo of salsa. She beckons us with the rhythms that my body recognized from a long linage of dance.
We came in and immediately got swept in the dance. Dancing with strangers that twirled us around. Then exchanging with new ones. No expectations, no rules, just people who love to dance. That’s when I saw you. You were in the further back resting against pillar, you already had your eyes on me. How long have you been looking at me? You were wearing a black mask, fitted t-shirt, jeans, and boots. You had jet black hair. There was black tattoos on your arms and neck, on an olive skin tone. But the real art was your eyes. The deep brown that was so warm and comforting. Beautiful. They crinkled up at the ends, indicating that even with a mask on I could tell you were smiling at me. Then I returned it.
It felt like there was an invisible string that pulled the two of us towards each other. A force that was out of our control. Our eyes locked in, refusing to lose one another until we reached each others’ atmosphere. Then we reached the destination. Radiating, my whole body feels alive. How were you able to do this? Before I could say anything, you looked me up and down and said,
“Wow” said with sigh. I felt the smile that was said with it.
“You like?”, one thing about me is that I’m a real good flirt. Especially if I have you in my sights.
“Yeah! You look great.”
“Then how about we dance, lindo.”
You paused. Shuffled your feet a little. Did you not know? I didn’t give you chance to respond before I grabbed your hand and said, “Here, follow my lead.”
I led you to the dance floor. I showed you the steps and lead. You were awkward at first. But then you trusted my lead and followed my rhythm. I even twirled you a bit. You giggled when I did it. Then it was as if you always knew how to salsa. It was you who would lead and twirl me. I didn’t know if it had been 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 years. It felt like time had stopped but it was also infinite.
But then I felt a tap on my shoulder that grounded me back in this reality. One of my friends with a concerned face leaned in to tell me that another friend we came with, had been missing for the last 30 minutes and they couldn’t find her. Panicked. I knew I had to find my friend. I looked back at you, our hands still holding, dreading the separation to come. I leaned in to tell you of the situation, and that I had to go look for her.
“But I’ll come right back once we make sure she’s okay.”
“Wait for me?” plea in my voice.
You nod and said “Go find her. I’ll be here”
I let go of you. And quickly left with my friend to find her. It took forever. But one of the bartenders noticed we we’re looking for someone and called us over. They told us of the girl that matched the description of our friend. They said how she was really out of it and they had put her in the office because they couldn’t get her name or the group she was with. Once we reached her she was in this bad state. Terrified we had to go the hospital immediately.
She was okay. Too much alcohol with not enough of food in her belly. She was put on the I.V to restore fluids.
But I had lied to you. I told you to wait for me and I never returned. I didn’t even get your name or contact information. And I feel desperate as you can tell. If you see this, I can’t stop thinking of you. Reach out if this is you and you would like to get coffee, or dance again.
